Oatmeal Baptism
by Samson Rooney Kicklighter
Summary: Poor Vash....he's got the chicken pox. It's a new town and looks like Wolfwood wants a new "adventure." Milly doesn't feel like making sandwhiches and Meryl is as cranky as usual. But then Vash gets "baptized"....


Oatmeal Baptism  
by Jillsaboo  
A Trigun Fanfic  
  
"AAaaaaAAAAAaaaaRGh!!!!!!!!!!!!" Vash screamed at the top of his lungs. He wriggled about in an insane fashion, his arms flailing in the wind in a sad attempt to scratch his skin underneath his coat. "AAaaaaargh!!!!!" He gritted his teeth and grasped for his lower back, scratching and the thick leather and amounting to no relief.  
"Here Mr. Vash!" Milly offered, scratching his lower back for him. He hunched over and panted like a dog. His leg began to wiggle uncontrollably.  
"How did you get chicken pox anyway, Vash? I really would've thought you would've had them already." Meryl remarked. She watched Vash stagger through the dunes, trying to free himself from his torture. "But I'm glad you didn't. This is too funny!"  
Wolfwood looked up, and started to view the entertainment along with Meryl and Milly, restraining himself from giggling maniacally. He could never put his finger how Vash always made him laugh.  
"Mr. Priest? Mr. Priest? When are we going to be at the next town, Mr. Priest?" Milly interrogated a daydreaming Nicholas.  
"Oh." He awoke. "Pretty soon, I think." He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled.  
"THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS!!!!!" Vash jumped up and down. He sprinted to where the small dots lay on the horizon, still struggling to figure out how to scratch his arms and legs at the same time.  
Meryl rubbed her temples. "He's definitely the humanoid typhoon but for completely different reasons...." she muttered. She stared on in amazement as he stumbled through the sand.  
They walked into the city trying to pretend that Vash, who was being stared at by nearly everyone, was not one of their traveling companions. Vash, other than having all eyes glued on him, was what appeared to be break dancing down the street, when in fact it was an attept to scratch himself and get the sand out of his trenchcoat at the same time. The red leather of his coat was fying about like frightened cardinals [not The Cardinal (c)] in the wind.   
"Lord have mercy on his soul..." Wolfwood muttered.  
Some extravagantly feminine laughter was heard from the side of the street.   
"Hey there handsome, looking good!" A large breasted female cooed, jutting her chest from her pink dress.  
"Oh, He's kinda cute!" One of her friends squealed! She shook her hips in an attempt to be seductive.  
"Hey, honey, those glasses are SeeexxxxxxyyYYYYyyy...." A large behinded girl in purple growled.  
Vash looked towards where all the ruckus was coming from. His jaw dropped open.   
One of the girls waved flirtaciously towards him. "Come here sweety!"  
"I'M COMING!!!!" Vash yelled, reaching both of his hands out and grasping suggestively. He sprinted to where the girls stood. When he got there he muttered a "pardon me madams" and threw them out of the way, only to smack into the glass of the store window behind them. "Doooooooooonnnnnnnnuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttssssssss" he clawed at the glass with his hands.   
"Dooooonuuuuuuutttttssssss....."  
Meryl stomped up. "Come on." She grabbed him by his collar and in a cloud of dust and a whipsh of a whip Vash was dragged screaming broken sentences.  
"Do.....MY....nuts....ITCH!"  
"I don't know!" Wolfwood replied.  
"Do.....ITCH! nuts....NUTS ITCH!"  
"What did he say?" Meryl remarked questioning Vash's sanity, as if that was very hard.  
***  
They finally reached their destination, a cheap motel. (Or is it, When the figured out what their destination was a cheap motel....?)   
"BLAMP!!! BLAMP!!!! BLAMP!!!!" Wolfwood lugged up the stairs, hauling a completely asleep humanoid typhoon up the stairs. He slammed open the door to their supposed room, Room 203. He tossed Vash on the bed. Vash let out a large snore and unconsciously wiped dribble from his cheek. Wolfwood stood still for awhile, amazed at how silly, and....cute....he looked. Kureneko-sama hopped on the bed and snuggled next to Vash's cheek. Wolfwood smiled at Vash, covered him with the sheets, and shut the door quietly as he walked out.  
***  
Meryl woke up with a screaming migraine. She looked at the clock. It was blinking a jade 2:46. She turned her head slowly and looked over at Milly.  
"No, no, too much vanilla pudding. I don't want to make sandwhiches right now, Mr. Priest."  
"Milly....Miiiiiillllllllllllllly.....MILLY WAKE UP!!!"  
"eeeaaah.....No sandwhiches tonight Mr.Priest, I have a headache...."  
"MILLY!"  
"ACK!"  
"Where'd Wolfwood go? I thought he was sleeping on the floor so he wouldn't catch the chicken pox from Vash?"  
"Maybe he just went to check on Mr. Vash?'  
"But that would defeat the whole purpose!" She explained. She looked up from the floor at Milly again. "Milly? Milly?"  
"snaaaaaarrrrrrrchhhhhhhhhhhhhhk....."  
"Why do I even...." She paused. What was that maniac laughter coming from the next room? She grabbed her robe, stepped into her slippers and walked out the door.  
***  
"SMACK!!!" The door of Room 203 slammed open. "Wolfwood, are you in here, you don't need to be.....oh lord."  
They both looked up sheepishly from the gigantic tub of oatmeal they were both sitting in. It seemed they had what "appeared" to be oatmeal caked in their hair.  
"Eh hee huh he eh ...eh...........eh......................" Vash giggled in slow surprise  
"......hell." Wolfwood muttered.  
The only sound heard after that was the slow and creaking rise of suspense in the room.  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Meryl screamed. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"  
"Oh. Oh! He wanted to be baptized! He wanted to be baptized!"  
"In oatmeal!?"  
"Well, I caught it too!"  
Meryl stared at him in disbelief.  
"We ARE both wearing shorts you know."  
"Oh." She blushed. "Oh I'm sorry...." She backed towards the door. "How silly of me....." She grabbed the handle. "Well, you two get better. I'll see you in the morning!" She bolted out of the door in embarassment.  
"Good cover." Vash remarked. "Good thing she didn't ask to see our shorts."  
"Or how I managed to catch them. That's got to be the most fun way to catch a disease."  
"Definitely." Vash smiled sweetly and moved closer to his Oatmeal Baptist. "Can I be submerged again?"  
  



End file.
